Reprint: I lost hope

Almost eight years ago (December 2013), I wrote this blog when my family and I were going through pain, difficulty and darkness that was so deep I did not know if I would be able to get out of it.  As our current situation drags on, I thought this entry and the lessons God taught me might be of help to you. 

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A lot has gone on in our family in recent days that I still cannot talk about.  It has taken me to places that I never thought I would go.  For a couple of days, I had to cling to what I knew to be true because in my heart I had lost hope.  I am a fixer and I seem to be dealing more and more often with things that I cannot fix.  It has been a hard journey. 

The first eye-opening time I realized that I could not fix everything was a rude awakening.  I found out that I was not the Holy Spirit!  I am sure you are just as shocked as I was!  I figured if I spoke the right words, used the right verses or stuck with troubled people long enough, at some point they would see the wisdom of my words and “get it.”  God taught me the important lesson that He was the Holy Spirit and I was just a messenger.  Then God allowed me the privilege to be the lead person in a church plant.  Once again, I learned another important lesson.  I can’t fix everything. 

So, I can’t fix everyone and I can’t fix everything?  So, what CAN I do?  God has still gifted me with fixing, so He still uses that gift but just not in every situation.  It is like using duct tape.  There are times it works great but building a house with it would be a problem. 

I really thought I was learning the lessons that God wanted.  He had allowed a lot of difficult things to happen in our lives that I could not fix, but then the ground dropped out from underneath me.  I found out in the deepest of ways that not only can I not fix what I thought I could but I could not even fix me!   I felt like I was hurtling down a black hole.  “What do I do now God?  What do you want from me?  I cannot handle this one Lord – it is too much!!”  These were some of the questions and discussions that I had with God. 

So, what did I do? In the midst of all of my uncertainly and hopelessness I did what I knew I had to do.  I clung on to what I knew was true.  God is Sovereign.  God does love me.  God does have a plan in all of this pain and numbness.  You see, I had to learn to walk by faith and not by sight in a new way.  I did not feel like God loved me.  I thought God had really blown this one.  I wondered why God would allow me to hurt so deeply with no end in sight.  A friend of mine put it this way.  Sometimes when you do not know what else to do you grab onto God’s ankle and let Him drag you around. 

I felt and still do at times feel that way.  My family and I are trying to get used to a new normal.  A normal I am not comfortable with.  I do not understand it and I still wish God would let me fix it.  But I am not God.  I do not know what is truly best.  I may never know this side of heaven.  I am not sure what else God has in store for me or my family but I do not want to lose hope again.  I am ashamed that I did, but I know God has and will use it not only in my life but to help others who have felt the same way.  Maybe just this entry will help.  I am sure there are others who have felt this way and never verbalized it.  Remember this:  the sun will come up tomorrow and God does have a plan and loves you especially when everything does not make sense to us.  So just grab on and see where He takes you.  It might not be fun but it will be life changing and He will be there with you the whole time even when sometimes He seems too quiet.

Blessed

The word BLESSED written in colorful fragmented word art on a vibrant background. Vector EPS 10 available.

BLESSED. In this world of uncertainty, it can be difficult to even utter the word, much less believe it.  I can see the skeptical looks, the shaking heads, and I can hear the comments under your breath.  “Blessed,” you say, “What world are you living in?”  Before you stop reading and thinking that I have gone completely mad, may I ask you a question?  What does “blessed” mean to you?  I ask because for far too long I have equated “blessed” to “spoiled.”  I am blessed if I get everything I need and much of what I want.  Being an American in a lower middle-class lifestyle I have food, housing, internet, and even comfy slippers.  Even as I sit writing this on Thanksgiving eve, my committed loving wife is tucked into bed and my boys are laughing in the basement with friends.  So, am I blessed?  And if I am blessed is my Christian brother in a homeless shelter on this same night with a tattered blanket, a little food and hand me down shoes blessed?  Is blessing all about the material?

Being blessed is the way I look at my life, not the amount of stuff I have. 

What does “blessed” really mean?  For me it has changed.  I now know that I am spoiled in many ways but even when I am not, I am still blessed.  How do I know that?  I am a redeemed child of God.  I deserved damnation but God who is rich in mercy saved me!!!  I have been plucked out of the miry clay and placed on the Rock!!  Today I sit in a warm house but tomorrow I may not.  Tonight, my heart is full but tomorrow it may be broken.  I must choose to say that since I am redeemed, I am always blessed and sometimes spoiled.

As we enter this holiday season, would you stop for a moment and instead of just chasing what you expect or think you deserve the holidays to be, breathe…. Then pray and make sure that as a blessed child of God you are focusing on His plan over your expectations. 

UPCC welcomes the Brunner’s

Over a year ago UPCC had the privilege of becoming a parent.  A group of 15-20 families led by our former assistant pastor Bryan Raught planted a church in the Boyertown area called 242 Community Church.  As excited as we were and still are seeing a new church established in a neighboring community, the journey to find a replacement for Bryan has been difficult.  We are not exactly a traditional church. Our focus on relational discipleship and less programs has made finding the right fit a challenge.

However, God has had a plan all along the way.  He first brought the Kulbeda’s to help.  Ray has worked and is again working with us part time as his work continues in the establishment of a nonprofit that he is a part of.  While things got busy for Ray with the nonprofit, God brought Ben Fortney back to serve with us for a few months while he and his wife Nely worked to get important immigration work done.  Both came at just the right time with just the right set of skills that we needed.  In the meantime, interviews and connections with potential full-time staff moved on, slowly, but there has been forward progress.

One of the potential candidates who came along was Ted Brunner.  Ted is the director for this region’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA).  As he continues to serve full time as the director, he will be joining us part time as an assistant pastor and Elder at UPCC.  He and his wife Wanda bring a huge heart for the Lord and people and they will be a great fit.  Ted is committed to helping us as over the next four to six months we make the final decisions on full time staff.  Once again God has provided and brought another mature couple who we know will be blessed as they serve here and be used of God to help UPCC daily become more like Christ.

Welcome about Ted and Wanda!!  Great to have you as a part of the team. 

How long will we blame Covid?

There is no doubt that the Covid-19 virus has rocked our world.  People have lost their lives, others have had their health affected in long term ways, jobs have been lost and businesses have been forced to close.  It has been devastating to many.

The world has gone through many difficult chapters and anytime they came the church was given a unique opportunity to offer hope when, humanly speaking, there was much hopelessness.  As Covid continues, what will we as the church do to show the world in which we live that, in spite of fears and concerns, we will be the ones who live lives of hope and purpose? 

It saddens me to see that many Christians have become paralyzed with fear and as a result have cut themselves off from their families, both human and spiritual.  Instead of creatively finding ways to live life and show hope they have isolated themselves.  This is not healthy nor is it Biblical. Take, for example, the fearful Israelites hiding from their enemies the Midianites (Judges 6-7). God called them out of their caves and cellars and chose Gideon, a fearful member of a small, weak tribe, to lead them to victory.

I also see some Christians who will go out to eat, go to grocery stores and other public places but reject any attempt to get spiritually connected.  Attending a worship service with no masks or distancing is only one way to be obedient to His commands. We are not in a unique situation. God has never ordered His People to neglect connection with others. As the Bible says in Hebrews 10:23-25, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

My question is how long will we blame Covid as a cause to stop being His change agents?  We are called to evangelize, make disciples, and grow in our relationship with God and others.

I challenge the church to step up, not step back.  Remember: the light shines brightest when the darkness is at its peak.  Let’s shine our lights and stop allowing fear to paralyze us.

We have all lost something

Recently we had a member’s meeting at our church.  One of the items we discussed was mourning.  In the last year our church, as have many others, has gone through mourning in different ways.  This is not something to feel ashamed of, alone in or overwhelmed by.  In fact, not all mourning is even the result of bad things that happen. 

For instance, our church planted a church a little over a year ago.  This is not a bad thing – in fact it is a great thing, and we are excited about all that God is doing at 242 Community Church in Boyertown.  Bryan Raught is leading a great group of Believers and even in our current situation is starting to reach that community for His honor and glory.  However, anyone who has sent a child off to college, into their first apartment or has had them leave for a number of other reasons understands the loss felt.  You mourn the many things that this departure means for you.   

Other things are not so easy.  We had a dear member of our church family pass away unexpectedly.  She epitomized what UPCC is all about.  Around the same time there was an unrelated situation where deep hurt was birthed.  Both of these created deep pain and the wounds are in various stages of healing for each person affected. 

On top of that, Covid has affected everyone.  We have all felt loss.  Loss of life, freedoms, jobs and so much more.  Your story is different than another’s, but you have experienced loss.  

The questions then becomes, “How do I deal with loss?” or better yet,  “How does God expect me to deal with loss?”  If you look in the Bible you will see that God’s Word has many references to mourning.  You see the deep way mourning presented itself in Bible times, especially in the Old Testament, through the tearing of clothes and hair along with sackcloth and ashes.  In the New Testament we see Jesus shed tears when Lazarus died. 

In the midst of our reactions to heartache and loss we see reminders that God is Sovereign.  He is our comforter and although we may not see it this side of heaven, He has a purpose and a plan.  Rest in His promises.  He will never leave you. He is our solid rock and He will lift you on wings like eagles.  In my most desperate times when I do not see the presence of the Lord vividly enough, I know I can trust Him because His promises are trustworthy, because He is trustworthy.  Do not lose hope or heart.  Keep your eyes and heart fixed on Him. Mourn with those who mourn. Cry but never ever believe the lie that God has abandoned you.  He is and always will be your one and only source of peace. 

Cleaning house

One good thing that has come from Covid is that thousands of homes finally had a good cleaning, organizing or both.  When we got done, we had what seemed like enough bags and boxes collected that we could have clothed and decorated the people and homes of a small country.  Then, once the world opened slightly, the thrift stores had lines of people waiting to drop off their “goodies”.  Even pandemics can create space for good things to take place.  I recently unloaded yet another bag of clothes to our local thrift store. What did it take to get us to get rid of things that have moved from house to house with us for years?  It took a forced time of stopping. 

So how do we take some of the valuable lessons we are learning and apply them to our relationship with Christ?  I have learned the importance of daily getting in the Word and, although there are certain books of the Bible that I am not eager to read, I do know the value and necessity of getting immersed in it.  Starting a church began a whole new chapter for me in the foundational need for prayer.  But taking time to specifically seek how I can keep my heart focused on Christ without the clutter is something that has never come easy to me.  Why? I really don’t like to be reminded of my “areas of need” and, in truth, I can be lazy. 

Once I am aware, do I really want the refining work of Christ in that area of my life knowing the humility and work it will take?  It is like looking at that drawer, closet, bookshelf, or room that is filled to overflowing.  Do I really even want to start or where do I start?  For me this was a clarion call to get more serious about taking time to pray specifically and ask those who live and do life with me what they see God doing and where do they see my shortcomings and sins.  Not easy discussions but praise God for the Holy Spirit, family and friends who speak truth into our lives.  So how about it?  Are you ready to do some spiritual house cleaning?  There is no better time to start than now. 

Squirrel

I remember the first time I watched “Up” and the dogs got completely distracted when “Squirrel!” was yelled. It was at that moment that I realized that was a perfect picture of me. The sad thing was that it described my relationship with God. I have often written about focus and stillness, so it is not surprising to those of you who are followers of my blogs to hear this. So, if I know this is a struggle, then what do I do in order to stay better focused on Christ and less distracted by all the squirrels in my life?

The first thing I needed to realize is that the squirrels don’t ever go away. There is always something that catches my attention. The bigger the issue the more distracted I become. Just acknowledging this has helped me to find better ways to handle this problem. I can breathe easier knowing there is no “secret sauce.”

The second thing I do is practice what I preach. Often when I am facing big things in my life, I think what kind of counsel or direction I would give another person in the same situation. When it comes to squirrels, the answer will sound like a cliche. Daily time in the Word and focused times of prayer help me more in the long run than the short. I don’t usually get immediate relief but as taking those steps has become more common in my life so has the confidence that God really does have my problem in His hands. Now for me, praying means more out loud than silent and my time in the Word, especially when I am distracted, is more audio that personal reading. You may be different but do not get discouraged by trying one system or someone else’s and it not working. Just keep at it. You will find the one that works best for you.

Third, I had to come to grips with the fact that some squirrels attack. You can walk in obedience to Christ and faithfully keep your focus on Him but that does not mean that you won’t find that there are times when those squirrels don’t just distract but viciously come at you. How? You are wrestling with an issue and it moves from a distraction to an enemy. Now instead of just battling it personally in your heart and mind you find others involved, possibly you are trampled down by it or you lose relationships over it. It is not easy but know that even during the painful attacks, God never left you. He has a plan in the midst of the sinful world in which we live.

That leads to my last step. It is imperative that you keep your eyes fixed on Christ. It will get really hard at times but cling tighter when the distractions get more frequent. Handcuff yourself to Him when the attacks become overwhelming. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you!!

Hopefully as you wrestle with the squirrels in your life you too can find a way to stay faithful and confident in Christ.

God is not a Republican

I grew up a Republican. I do not remember being forcibly indoctrinated into the party, but I do remember that it made the most sense to me even as a child. They seemed to hold to the same values as my family and I so why look elsewhere? Democrats were not evil, but they were still the enemy.

I am still a Republican, although not in the same way that I once was. I have on more than one occasion voted Democrat and even for other parties. To some even that confession will have the hair on the back of their neck stand up. “How dare you?” I have heard. Why? Where along the way did we stop thinking, asking questions and be willing to dig and really see what candidates best support the positions and causes I am most fervent about? It has never seemed right to me that, as a Christian, I should demonize and even lie about “the other party.” There are certainly benefits to sticking with the same party, but they do not outweigh the need for us to vote by conscience not political affiliation. We need to stop allowing the devil to have one more tool to divide the people of God.

I know it angers some, but God is not a Republican nor is He a Democrat or of any other party. God sets the moral foundation, no one else does. So rather than fight with each other, how about we pray with each other. Ask God to help give us the discernment we need, in this divisive culture of politics, on who to vote for. Ask Him to protect and guide those currently in office, from all parties. As Christians we should know, better than anyone else, what God asks us to do and not to do. In politics, as in sports, we cannot lay aside our faith and blame it on our favorite team, player, candidate or party. My relationship with Christ is what should define me above all else. Ask yourself, as I too must do, what defines you above everything else. Is it your relationship with Christ? If it is not, then what is? Maybe that will change our conversations and even our Twitter and Facebook posts😊.

Would you try out for church?

Recently a father told me that I would probably not see he and his family much at church over the fall.  I thanked him for letting me know and asked what was going on that would be preventing him from attending.  He explained that his son’s were trying out for a travel sports team.  If they made the team they had practices three nights a week for two hours and tournaments most weekends.  Depending on how they did at the tournaments determined on how often they would or would not be there.  Wow!!  That is a big commitment I said.  That conversation really got me to thinking.  What if I got up Sunday and said that we were doing a special church training and ministry throughout the fall.  It will meet three nights a week for two hours and require most weekends and you have to try out for it.  How many people do you think would sign up? I have no intention of doing that but I did ponder what does discipleship really look like?  If is uncomfortable, inconvenient and takes precious time.  In fact, Discipleship should be defined by our lifestyle, not a class we complete.  Jesus did not pull any punches when he laid out what being a disciple meant.  It was not about buildings, programs, worship services or comfort.  It was about living a life of sacrificial service.  Today if the temperature is not just right, the programs not good enough or numerous enough or the ones that fit my desires we move on.  Maybe not physically but mentally.  We have lost the concept of buckling down, taking ownership, feeling the burn and making a Kingdom difference.  I am convicted that I need to do more to develop leaders and those desiring to understand this is warfare.  But the question remains.  Christ is asking for more commitment that any sports team.  Accepting His gift of salvation is the beginning of the journey but the next step is taking up His cross and following Him.  So how about it?  Are you ready to really live out your faith or do you just need another bag of peanuts and a soda so you can continue to sit in the stands?

I am a modern-day idol worshiper

I was going into fourth grade when I first heard the gospel.  Unlike most people, I immediately understood my need for Christ and began a relationship with Him.  Over the years I have battled doubts of whether I really meant it, doubts due to sinful choices I have made and I even struggle at times with the devil’s constantly evil yet convincing whispers in my ear.  Time and again Christ has proven Himself faithful and I type this with full assurance that I am a blood bought child of God!!

 

However, this does not mean I have not struggled in other areas.  One big one for me has been my consistent ability to be a redeemed child of God but to still allow myself to be like the Israelites.  Like them, I create and worship idols.  No, I do not carve anything out of wood or stone, but I do make people, emotions, dreams, and finances to become things that I am consumed with.  Instead of allowing my walk with Christ to be the source of my strength, joy, and confidence I cave into my flesh.  I allow myself to make the circumstances, feelings, and people in my life to become bigger than God.  If you asked me if I worship idols, I would give a resounding “no” but if you could hear my thoughts and experience my feelings you would see that I struggle in this area.

 

When I do get in my right Biblically focused mind, I put on the Ephesians 6 Armor of God, rest in the Word and smash the idols in my heart.  The key for me is daily readjusting my focus off the potential idols and back solidly on His Word and promises and following up with Biblical actions.  You may be willing to admit along with me that you are an idol worshiper, but we do not have to be defined by that if we are God’s child.  God forgives and restores so confess it, smash them, put on the armor, and fight the good fight.